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From within, simple desire awoke my will.
Journey began when your light withdrew.
Empty vessel of creation in complete isolation,
I shall not receive your gift.
From a perfect action,
Imperfect came to be.
The Malkhut of your endless
Reduced its desire to receive.
You withdrew and then you shattered.
Particles of you rush through my being.
Forgetting where I came from,
Watch your child as I remember.
Feeding on the unholy,
I deny my substance.
Perception lost in the essence,
I sleep on my potential.
I’ve been climbing throughout lifetimes,
From Zero to the One.
Branches break with life’s distractions.
This tree is larger than my will.
Blind is the ever seeing,
If trust is placed upon me.
Endless process of creation.
Have I ever reached my light?
Journey began when your light withdrew.
Empty vessel of creation in complete isolation,
I shall not receive your gift.
From a perfect action,
Imperfect came to be.
The Malkhut of your endless
Reduced its desire to receive.
You withdrew and then you shattered.
Particles of you rush through my being.
Forgetting where I came from,
Watch your child as I remember.
Feeding on the unholy,
I deny my substance.
Perception lost in the essence,
I sleep on my potential.
I’ve been climbing throughout lifetimes,
From Zero to the One.
Branches break with life’s distractions.
This tree is larger than my will.
Blind is the ever seeing,
If trust is placed upon me.
Endless process of creation.
Have I ever reached my light?
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Re: Climb
Wed, September 14, 2005 - 8:07 AMi enjoyed the kabbalistic (so many spelling for this word) imagery. I feel that the empty vessel to gift lines flow freely and with great rythm. I think you could take out the simple in the first sentence. I feel that you could reduce the number of words such as from, and, the, etc. to bring more impact. but then that is pretty much my own style and I am not trying to impose it on you. I enjoyed this poem in terms of imagery as well its thought invoking nature. Poetry to me has always been to hear how it sounds outloud so that is something very hard to critique.
jb -
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Unsu...
Re: Climb
Sun, September 18, 2005 - 9:49 AMThanks for the feedback JB. I'll try the edits and recite the poem...see how it goes. Great to have comments on the work...I'm happily surprised that you got the kabbalistic imagery...most haven't. -
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Re: Climb
Sun, September 18, 2005 - 4:27 PMI studied kabbalism for about three years. -
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Unsu...
Re: Climb
Mon, September 19, 2005 - 6:07 AMI'm still climbing up that tree--
and a few others. -
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Re: Climb
Tue, September 20, 2005 - 9:39 AMi'm afraid that my tree has grown quite a fe branches and that the paths have found themselves intermingled with the ivy and moss that clings to the branches. From time to time I find that the gnosis repudiates itself in creation and then i sink back into the void. Hmm. well at least the first part is true. Basically. I spent many many years studying religions across the us alaska india, nepal etc. and have been continuously amazed at the power that exists in the world.
jb
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